Justice Doesn't Change Anything
by Isannah
Summary: Edward saw his life, present and future, destroyed with one random act of violence. Will the person responsible be punished? Will it be enough?  My entry for the Season of our Discontent Contest. E/B AH


**Contest:** Season of Our Discontent Anonymous Angst Contest  
><strong>Title: <strong>Justice Doesn't Change Anything**  
>Picture Prompt Number: <strong>#1**  
>Pairing: <strong>Edward/Bella**  
>Rating: <strong>M**  
>Word Count: <strong>7972

**Summary:** Edward saw his life, present and future, destroyed with one random act of violence. Will the person responsible be punished? Will it be enough?

**Warning and Disclaimer: **This story includes the graphic description of an act of violence. Please consider this before you read. I do not own Twilight.

**EPOV**

"_Stoooop!"_

_I slammed on the brakes and whipped my head to the crazy girl next to me frantically pointing to the Seven Eleven store outside my window. Holy shit she scared the crap out of me._

"_I need Swedish Fish." Warm, brown eyes pleaded with me from the passenger's seat. I tried to chuckle and slow my heart down at the same time. My girl needed Swedish Fish like she needed a hole in the head. She had just finished a bag earlier that day. Wanted a bag was more like it. But this was my girl and who was I to deny her this simple pleasure. Let's face it, I wouldn't deny her anything. I turned into the parking lot and found a spot a little ways from the door._

"_I don't know why you love those things so much."_

"_How can you not? They're red and cute and taste like kool-aide." I grimaced a little at that thought. I loved the smell of them but they were so sweet I usually ended up with a stomach ache. I had no idea how Bella consumed as many as she did. _

"_Aaaaand…they cover up the blow job breath spectacularly. Wouldn't want Charlie to get a whiff of that, now would we?" She winked seductively before opening the door and getting out. I sat their dumbfounded, my dick twitching in the afterglow of said blow job._

_Bella always said the most shocking, but obscenely truthful things. No, I did not want Charlie to smell the evidence of me defiling his only daughter, three times to be exact, as she kissed him goodnight on the cheek. Swedish Fish sounded like an excellent idea now._

_I watched her wiggle her ass a little as she crossed in front of the car and headed for the store. Before she reached the door I leaned my head out the window and called to her._

"_Bella?" She looked back at me and all I could see was the girl who stole my heart more than three years ago. She owned every fucking inch of me. "I love you."_

"_I love you more." She smiled and winked at me before walking into the store._

_Yeah, not possible. _

_As I waited for her in the car for my mind looked back on this perfect day. Today, we graduated high school. After the ceremony we went to dinner with our parents and then headed to a few parties our classmates had invited us to. It was clear very early in that neither of us wanted to be there. We wanted to be with each other…just the two of us. We quietly excused ourselves and headed towards our place, a little meadow on the outskirts of town. We had found it hiking one time. It was beautiful, secluded, and totally ours. We had made it a point to go there often and lose ourselves in our own little world today being no exception. _

_It was the place we chose when we finally decided to made love to each other the first time. We were both virgins and even though it was painful for her and quick for me, I knew there would never be another girl I would ever want to be intimate with. I would never want to be inside of another woman, ever. She was it. The one. And I was going to marry her one day. _

_But first, Dartmouth. We were going together in the fall and it would be just another step towards building our life together. We had even convinced our parents to let us get an apartment together. They hadn't liked the idea but reluctantly agreed when we explained that it didn't matter what the living arrangements were, we would be together every night anyway. They knew we meant business and decided there was no need to waste good money on two dorm rooms. Bella and I were going to live together. _

_The thought of studying, cooking, sleeping, and oh yes, showering together made me grin. I was a love sick puppy and damn proud of it. Without thinking my hand dug it into my jeans pocket and pulled out the blue hair ribbon Bella only wore on special occasions. I was always amazed at the creative ways she would incorporate it into whatever hairstyle she had decided upon. I rubbed it between my fingers and instantly I was brought back to this afternoon when I tugged it loose to unleash the massive wave of chestnut hair that tumbled down her naked back. I was going to return the ribbon knowing how important it was to her. It belonged to her mother who succumbed to a battle with cancer when Bella was only ten. No, I would never just keep it, but I wasn't above borrowing it for a little while either. Its silkiness reminded me of her skin and damn, it smelled just like her. Like fresh rain on a hot summer day. I couldn't help but bring it up to my nose and inhale._

"_**Bang!"** A loud noise brought me out of my daydream and my eyes snapped up to see where it was coming from. I didn't see anything._

"_What the fuck?" I asked myself as I looked around to find the source of the deafening noise. Just then a guy…no a kid no older than me pushed his way out of the convenient store door. He was breathing hard as he looked from left to right with a panicked expression on his face. I watched him as he made a hasty decision, turned right and ran into the darkness. The last I saw of him was the sharp reflection of the halogen lights on his gun as he tossed it into a dumpster. _

_My chest began to constrict as a wave of dread washed over me. I could feel it in my bones, something had happened. Something real bad. My legs couldn't carry me fast enough as I flew from the car. Every step closer to the convenient store carried me farther away from the perfect life that had been mine up until that point. It was slipping away from me, but I couldn't stop. I needed to get to her._

_And when I did, I knew. That life was gone._

**5 Months Later…**

My eyes shot venom across the room and followed Jacob Black as he was escorted to the defendant's table right in front of me. Feeling my glare on him, he glanced and caught my eye for a moment. Frustration crossed his face before he quickly turned back away from me and sat down in his assigned chair.

That's right, motherfucker. I'm still here.

I quietly smirked to myself knowing that I was getting to him. I had been here in the same exact spot every day since this whole thing started two and a half weeks ago. My clothes would change from one rumpled outfit to the next but that was the only proof that I had ever moved from that spot. I arrived an hour early on the first day just to claim that particular seat right behind him. I didn't care that I was sitting on the side of the room meant for his friends and family. I didn't care about the eye roll I received every time his court appointed lawyer looked at me. I wanted him to feel unnerved by my close presence. I wanted to make him so uncomfortable that he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. I wanted him to choke on the stifling hatred that seeped from every poor of my body.

I wanted him to suffer in every way possible. And I needed to see it happen. So when I found out when this was set to happen, I dropped everything and left behind what should have been _our _life so that I could sit in that exact seat. Four fucking feet behind him.

"_Um, Edward...they set a date." My body froze as I realized that I had been talking to my brother about absolutely nothing for fifteen minutes before he dropped this particular bombshell. In addition to scouring the news religiously for details pertaining to the case, I also had Emmett telling me everything he knew when we talked every week. Up until now, progress had been infuriatingly slow, but this…this was big. And we both knew it._

"_When?"_

"_It will start November 30th."_

"_I'll be there." There was a slight pause._

"_Do you think that's a good idea? I mean, you're in the middle of a semester, and finals? Who knows how long it could go on for…?" I cut my brother off. I know he meant well, but it didn't matter._

"_Do you think I give a fuck about any of that, Em? I need to be there…for her." I was hot. How could he think that I would just let this happen while I was over a thousand miles away?_

"_I know, Edward. I get it, I really do…"_

"_Do you?" He didn't get it. How could he?_

"_You know I do. You weren't the only one who loved her, asshole." The anger I felt began to deflate at those words. He was right. I wasn't the only one. Everyone loved my girl. They mourned, not as much as I did, but they mourned. I took a deep breath and let it out trying hard to keep my emotions under control._

"_You're right, I'm sorry. I just…I just miss her so fucking much. I just can't…fuck!" Any resolve I had crumbled and I started to crumble. I didn't do this, not in front of people anyway. I was good at holding it all in during the day, going through the motions, and then allowing the pain to consume me at night. She was supposed to be there, wrapped in my arms as she slept. Her hair was supposed to tickle my nose and she was supposed to yell at me when I stole the covers. The desperation to just feel her skin, her warmth, her love made every night unbearable. Without her, nothing felt right, including a peaceful night's sleep._

"_I do too, Edward. We…we all do." Emmett choked on his last words as he became overcome with his own tears. He had always thought of Bella as a little sister and their relationship had been special. We spent a couple of minutes letting ourselves feel the blanket of despair that had descended since she was taken from us. It felt good to let some of it out, but I knew it wouldn't be enough. It was never enough to take away the aching pain that resided permanently in the center of my fucking heart._

"_If she could see us she would call us pussies." I had to laugh through my tears at that. He was right. If she were here she would tell us both to get over it. _

"_Yeah, that she would." I chuckled as I wiped my eyes and composed myself. Once I knew my voice wouldn't shake, I spoke in a way that left no room for argument. "I will be there."_

_He let out a deep, cleansing breath. "I kind of figured."_

The nextday I went to speak to all of my professors and told them I had to go home before the end of the semester. I didn't have to go into detail. Most of them already knew the circumstances of my situation. It had been the talk of campus when I first got here. How the killing of a small-town police chief's daughter become national news I will never know. But when it did, so did her entire story, including her plans of attending Dartmouth in the fall with her doting and heartbroken boyfriend. Bella would have hated the attention she had received in the days and weeks following her death. It just wasn't her style.

Sympathetic looks, whispering, and pity smiles followed me everywhere I went at first. I fucking hated it. I didn't want to have a reason for people to feel sorry for me. I wanted Bella here with me, just like we planned. I ignored them all and pretty soon they had learned to ignore me too. It was just better that way.

For once, I was grateful that everyone was aware of my situation. It saved me from having to explain it to every one of my professors. All of them allowed me to finish the required assignments and the final exams a couple weeks early so that I could return home for the trial. I thanked them for their leniency. I wasn't worried about getting it all done. Most of it was already complete, saved on my laptop and waiting to be turned in. It had all been sitting there since the end of October. It turns out, throwing myself into my studies was the only thing that allowed me _not_ to think.

As far as the finals, I was pretty sure I could get by even though I was missing two weeks of instruction. I didn't care. I would take them and deal with the aftermath later. All I cared about was getting back to Forks so I could watch and make sure that fucker got what he deserved. Well, what he could get wouldn't be what he deserved. I had my own thoughts and ideas on that subject and if I ever got the chance I would make it happen. But the likelihood that I would ever get that opportunity was slim so I would have to leave it up to the courts. Life in prison without parole, if he got that, would have to do.

"All rise for the Honorable Judge Campbell." Everyone in the courtroom stood as the judge, a crotchety old man with a permanent scowl, took the bench. I took a deep breath as I braced for what this day in court would bring. They had already gone through everything leading up to that fateful day. The prosecution had painted Jacob Black as a repeat offender. He had been in the system for years, committing small crimes here and there. Shoplifting, assault, petty larceny, resisting arrest, public intoxication. Nothing too damaging when singled out, but all together they painted a picture of a juvenile delinquent who had an anger problem. He was bound to turn violent at some point. It was just a matter of time.

Yeah, no fucking shit.

Jacob's lawyer tried to prove that his troubled childhood was to blame. He tried to play on the jury's sympathy as he described a young boy who had been deserted by his parents at the age of seven. Bounced from one foster family to another he never had the love, support, and guidance that would keep him out of trouble. He was a victim too.

_Victim?_ Fuck. That.

Today was going to be about the events of that night. I had dreaded this day. I didn't want to go back to it. I didn't want to remember.

Unfortunately, it was inevitable.

I gripped the blue ribbon that had become a permanent fixture in my hand, willing it to give me the strength to get through this. I never got the chance to give it back and now it was the one thing that made me feel closer to her. I rubbed it between my fingers, focusing on the smooth texture as the worst night of my night played out in my head.

_I flung the door open and my eyes fell immediately on Mrs. Cope, the elderly cashier huddled behind the counter covering her ears with her hands and crying. The cash register was open and a few dollar bills littered the counter. _

_Where was she?_

_I called her name just as I spotted her lying on the dirty floor. The front of her pretty yellow shirt was covered in deep crimson. She was sputtering, gasping for breath as blood spurted out of her mouth. Without a second thought I ran to her. I stripped off my shirt and tried to stop the bleeding but it was everywhere. There was so much I couldn't even find where it was coming from. Her eyes were open but I could tell they weren't focusing on anything. She couldn't see me. I pressed my shirt to the front of her chest as hard as I could and smoothed her hair back with my other hand as I tried to talk to her._

"_It's okay, baby. I've got you. Just stay with me, Bella. You're gonna be okay. We have plans, you and I. I love you so much, baby. Don't you dare fucking leave me." I cradled her in my arms and rocked her back and forth as I continued to try and stop the bleeding. _

_My tears fell uncontrollably._

_I begged her to stay even though I knew deep down she couldn't hear me. _

_If Bella had heard me plead for her to stay with me, there was no fucking way my girl would have let me down. She would have fought to stay alive, for me…for us. Sure as shit she would never have allowed herself to die in my arms. _

_But she didn't hear me. She couldn't have._

_My girl took her last breath right there on the fucking floor of the Seven Eleven in a puddle of her own blood. I was there when the light left her eyes and her heart stopped beating. My chest constricted in pain as I felt part of my heart die right along with her. _

_It was agony, pure fucking agony._

"Mrs. Cope, please tell us what happened on the night of June 15th." The prosecutor asked the gray-haired woman that was now wringing her hands around the strap of her old lady pleather pocketbook. I had known Mrs. Cope forever as Bella and I were regular customers at the store. I would help her out from time to time when I saw her doing something physical that she had no business trying to do. She would protest at first but then give in when she saw how easy it would be for me to do. I always left with a grateful smile, an affectionate kiss on the cheek, and a free raspberry Slurpee that made my lips turn blue. But today I watched her with a strange intensity that I couldn't help. Sitting there, she wasn't just Mrs. Cope, nice old lady. She was the one who had been there when this thing went down. The police had informed me of what had happened based on their investigation, but this was the first time I was going to hear it from the only other person besides Bella who knew first hand. I needed to hear what she had to say. I hung onto every word like it was my lifeline.

"Well, I was working my usual shift at the Seven Eleven. It had been a pretty normal night. Around ten o'clock, a man came in with a gun, pointed it at me, and demanded money. I tried to explain that there wasn't much in the cash register but he didn't care. He wanted whatever there was. I was so scared. My fingers wouldn't work and I couldn't get the register open. He yelled obscenities, screamed at me to go faster."

"Is that man in the court room today?"

"Yes. He is the defendant, Jacob Black." She pointed over to the table where he was sitting. Black showed absolutely no reaction.

"Was there anyone else in the store when this happened?"

"Yes. Isabella Swan came in moments before him. We greeted each other and talked a little bit about graduation. My grandson also graduated and the ceremony was earlier in the day. She then headed down the candy aisle just before Mr. Black entered the store." Mrs. Cope started to get emotional and paused to wipe her tears and take a sip of water. Once she was composed the prosecutor continued.

"Did Mr. Black know that Miss Swan was in the store?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he didn't. He was completely taken off guard when she attacked him."

"She attacked him?"

"As he was yelling at me I could see her coming up the aisle holding one of the walking canes we had for sale like a baseball bat. I knew what she was going to do. I didn't want her to. I didn't want her to get hurt. I tried to move faster, give him what he wanted so he would just go, but I couldn't. If I had, Bella…she…she wouldn't have…" The sobs that wracked this poor woman's body told me that I wasn't the only one consumed with guilt. I wanted to hug her, tell her it wasn't her fault. Bella would never want her to feel that way.

"I know this is difficult for you, Mrs. Cope, but I need you to answer a few more questions. It is important." The prosecutor handed her a Kleenex and waited. When Mrs. Cope was ready to continue, so did he. "How did Mr. Black respond to Miss Swan's attack?"

"At first he was surprised. He lashed out and pushed Bella to the ground. She fell onto a rack and then landed on the floor. She had dropped the cane and tried to get to it. That was when…uh…he…" Mrs. Cope looked past Jacob at me. Tears sprang to her eyes. "Oh, Edward…" She whispered. I knew what was coming and I knew she didn't want to say it out loud. She didn't want to hurt me, but what she didn't realize was that my pain was infinite. Nothing would ever take it away. Her explanation of what happened next was vital to the case. The jurors needed to hear it and that overrode my pain. We shared a moment as I nodded slightly, silently telling her to go on. Once she had my approval she cleared her throat and straightened her back.

"That was when what, Mrs. Cope?" Her eyes snapped to the probing lawyer and a new resolve was there. She understood what she had to say. 'I'm sorry' she mouthed to me before returning her attention to the prosecutor.

"That was when he turned on her. He said 'you little fucking bitch.' Then he pointed the gun and shot her in the chest." This part always felt like a knife plunging into my heart. It killed me to know that those hateful words were the last my girl would hear before she left this earth.

After asking a few more questions, Mrs. Cope was dismissed off the stand and the prosecution played the surveillance tape from the convenient store for the jury. I had seen it before, just once but it had been enough to permanently burn my brain. On my darkest days the horrific scene on that tape played in my mind on a loop, torturing me over and over. I wouldn't watch it again. This time as it played, I watched the jury. I could tell by their expressions exactly what they were seeing and when.

Bella snuck up behind him wielding that plastic cane with a look of determination in her eye. Her brow crinkled together as it always did when she was completely focused. She walked up to him, lifted the cane back and swung, hitting the arm that was holding the gun. Jacob staggered to the side, stunned momentarily. Before she could get another swing on him his arm instinctually swung out and struck Bella so that she fell backwards into a rack of potato chips. He raised the gun and pointed it directly at her. Defeated, she stopped grabbing for the can and raised her hands up in front of her, ready to plead for her life.

"Please, no." The fear in her shaky, vulnerable voice brought me to my knees. I shut my eyes knowing what was coming next.

"You little…fucking…bitch." His words dripped with hatred and malice as he spat them at her.

I opened my eyes just in time to see some of the jury members startle as the loud bang that had haunted my dreams filled the courtroom. On the ground, unable to defend herself, he had shot Bella point blank in the chest. He literally put a hole in my girl's heart. The blood spread quickly as she lay there, scared and struggling to make sense of what had just happened to her.

The tape went on to show him beginning to panic, realizing what he had just done. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at her broken body before grabbing the cash in the register and running out of the store.

In the end, he killed her without a second thought for a measly forty-seven dollars.

Between the tape and Mrs. Cope's testimony, one thing was clear; Jacob Black didn't just shoot her because he was surprised. He thought about it, albeit briefly, but he thought about it before he did it. That fucking bastard meant to kill my girl.

I glanced over to Charlie Swan. As I met his eyes we shared a knowing look. I could tell he was trying to encourage me to breathe just with his eyes. He knew how much this tape had fucked me up. He had been the one to pick up the pieces.

"_Bella baby…" I whispered as I slumped against the cool granite. I traced my fingers over her name etched in the stone. "Why'd you do it, angel?" I wanted an answer. I waited, but I didn't get one. I settled for another swig of the cheap whiskey I stole from my brother. _

_No one had wanted me to see the tape. My parents, Charlie, no one. But I threw a fit until they let me. I had to see what exactly had happened in that store before I got there. I felt as if I owed it to Bella somehow to know what had happened the last few minutes of her life. So they finally relented and I went into the police station to get my answers. As soon as it started playing I was overcome with grief, anger, guilt. As soon as it was over I lurched for the waste paper basket in the corner of the room as my body purged everything from my stomach. When I was done, I bolted. I couldn't be in that room anymore. The images from that tape were…were horrific. But what was even more disturbing was that Bella willingly put herself in harms way._

_Why would she do that? How could she do that…to us?_

_With liquor bottle in hand I went to the only place I could. I went to her._

_Time stood still. The longer I stayed the more difficult it became to leave. I missed her so goddamn much. I don't know how much I drank but I knew it must have been a lot. Numbness finally began to win out over the fucking pain that never went away. I welcomed the distraction, even if it would only last for a little while. _

_I felt my eyes droop as my body slid closer to the earth. I laid my head next to where her head would be, just wanting to be closer to her. I tried so hard to remember what it was like to have her lying next to me, to have her soft curves molded against the masculine planes of my body in a perfect fit. I couldn't do it though. As time went on the pain just got stronger while the memories got weaker. Knowing there probably would come a time when I couldn't remember what her touch felt like at all…well I couldn't even bring myself to think about it. When it was obvious that my mind was not going to cooperate with me, I focused on the next best thing, falling into the darkness. The alcohol made it easier and I was almost there, but then I heard him and any short-term relief I was hoping for was gone._

"_Edward?" I squinted into the darkness to confirm what I already knew. Charlie Swan's figure loomed over me, assessing my condition._

"_This really ain't a good time, Chief." I felt my head begin to spin as I tried and failed to sit up. To my dismay, Charlie reached down and took the bottle from my grasp. He let out a heavy sigh as he inspected it._

"_Just what do you think you're doing, son?" I started to get irritated. Wasn't it obvious?_

"_I'm talking to m'girl, Chief. Whassit look like? She owes me some goddamn answers." _

"_Does she now?" He was calm, cool, stoic even._

"_Yeah, she does. He had a gun and she didn't care. She fucking provoked him. I want to know why the fuck would she go and do that." I sounded like a drunk, saying shit wrong and slurring my words but I couldn't stop the anger that came free flowing out of my mouth._

"_You know exactly why she did it." I looked at him in frustration. He waited in silence for the moment it took for me to figure it out. Motherfuck, I hated that he was right. I did know. She did it because she was a good person, compassionate, and brave. She couldn't just let what was happening go. It was just who she was and one of the many reasons I loved her. It would be so much easier if I could blame her, but I couldn't._

"_I misser so much." I heard Charlie clear his throat as his eyes focused on the headstone._

"_I miss her too." The way he held his hat in his hands and looked at the headstone told me they were the truest words he'd ever spoken. But he always seemed so together, so composed. _

"_How do you do it? How do you go on? It hurts so bad sometimes I feel like I'm gonna die." I had lost my girl, but Charlie had lost his daughter. I think he was the only one who could even remotely feel the loss of Bella like I did. I needed to know how he was able to get up in the morning, go to his job, just fucking function on a daily basis. I needed to know how to stop this…this suffering._

"_It's hard, Edward… real hard." I could hear the emotion in his voice. "There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, let alone try to go about things as if none of this ever happened. But I try to focus on the positive. You know, all of this has made me realize that I'm one lucky son of a bitch."_

_I raised my eye brows and waited for him to continue. The seriousness of the conversation was beginning to sober me up._

"_You see, I was lucky enough to have that beautiful creature in my life for eighteen years. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was more than most people. And I was sending her off to college next year knowing that she was going to have someone who loved her just as much as I did taking care of her, protecting her. Every father dreams of their daughter finding that kind of love. Not many get to see it happen when their little girl is only fourteen years old." I kept silent, pondering what he was telling me. _

"_Edward, I know Bella wouldn't want me to wallow the way I want to. She would want me to continue on with my life… and be happy. So that's what I try to do, for her."_

_I nodded in what I think was agreement. It's exactly what she would want her father to do._

_"She would want that for you too, you know." He said it softly but the message was loud and clear. I didn't say anything back. There was nothing to say. "Edward, son, your parents…they're worried. They're…" I cut him off not wanting to hear any more about what my parents thought would be good for me._

"_I'm not going to Dartmouth." End of fucking discussion._

"_What do you mean you aren't going? Of course you're going." His voice held a shocked tone that was forced and fake. He already knew. Of course he knew. He and my parents had been close for years. They told him after all of their attempts to 'reason' with me had failed. This little intervention was all starting to make sense now. Too bad for them it wasn't going to work._

"_No, I'm not. That was our dream. I'm not doing it without her." I saw his shoulders slump accompanied by a deep, heavy sigh._

"_Edward, I understand why you wouldn't want to, but don't you see? There's a lot of life left for you to live. If you don't try to overcome this and try to make something out of it, you're not only going to let your parents down, you'll let yourself down." He paused for a moment before dropping his voice. _

"_You'll let her down." _

_Okay, that got to me. My eyes snapped up to his demanding an explanation. Just the thought of letting her down in any way was unthinkable. "Just because she can't be here to live out her dream doesn't mean you can't take her with you while you fulfill yours. She would want that for you, just like you would for her if the situation was reversed." _

_I was having a hard time admitting it, but Charlie was making some valid points. I would want that for her. And she would want it for me. I certainly wouldn't want her to self-destruct…which is exactly what I had been doing, if I had to be honest with myself._

"_Edward, this…" He waved his arm around in a circle gesturing to my fucked-up state. "…this cannot continue. You are heading down a path that will not end well. Think about how hurt and disappointed Bella would be if that were to happen."_

_I looked down at my feet feeling more than ashamed. Bella would have never tolerated my behavior over the last few weeks. As much as I didn't want to, I had to do it. I owed it to her to at least try. _

_I finally looked up to Charlie who had yet to say anything else. "I'm going to give Dartmouth a try. I'm going to make her proud." Charlie let a huge breath out and clapped me on the back._

"_I have no doubt about that." He said as he put his arm around my shoulder and guided us out of the cemetery. Away from our girl._

I had given Dartmouth a try and I was handling it. I went to class, I studied, I ate, I slept...well at least tried to sleep. I was still doing it for her and couldn't even fathom there would be a time when it would just be about me. My heart, the part that Bella hadn't taken with her when she died, just wasn't in it. Going back was going to be tough, but I would do it.

Because that is what she would want me to do.

o~o~O~o~o

"All rise for the honorable Judge Campbell." Everyone in the courtroom rose. It had taken the longest four fucking days of my life to get through the events of that night. Once all the evidence was heard and the closing arguments were given, the only thing left was to wait for the jury to decide the fate of Jacob Black.

It had taken them two days to deliberate. I had no idea if that was good or bad.

I looked across the aisle to see my family and our friends sitting with bated breath as the legal system got their shit together and decided what was going to happen. It pained me to look at them. They all loved Bella in different capacities and that love had not diminished over time. Just from looking at them it was clear that the loss of Bella had affected them deeply and yet for some reason I couldn't even drum up some tears for my girl on this day. This very important day.

I looked over to Alice, my slightly younger sister. I watched her as she clutched an eight by ten picture of Bella. It was one of my favorites. She was laughing at something and completely oblivious to being caught on film. She looked so carefree, so happy, so goddamn alive. Alice had brought it with her everyday reminding everyone, especially the jury, that Bella had been a real live, breathing human being with a family, friends, and a future. She didn't want that fact to get lost as the trial progressed into dates, times, expert testimony, DNA evidence, and typical lawyer battle. It was her way of keeping her best friend's memory alive. Bella and Alice had been good for each other. I was just lucky that Alice was willing to share her with me.

"_What's going on tonight, squirt? You have enough food to feed an army." I asked as I grabbed an apple out of the basket on the counter and took a huge bite._

"_Bella's coming to our house for a sleepover."_

"_Who's Bella?" I asked with my mouth chuck full of apple. I hadn't heard Alice mention her before._

"_The new girl…Bella Swan." I looked at Alice with a blank stare because I still didn't know who she was talking about. She rolled her eyes at me. "She's a sophomore, just like you. You must have seen her or heard about her at some point in the last few days. She's like the shiny new toy of Forks High." _

_I still had nothing. _

"_I swear, mom's right. You would miss an earthquake just because you weren't paying attention. Anyway, I met her in gym class. We bonded over Mike Newton tripping into Jessica Stanley and using her humungous boobs to keep him from falling to the ground. Turns out we find the same shit funny. We're going to pig out, watch movies, and paint our nails. Care to join us big brother?" Was she fucking kidding me?_

"_Think I'll pass on that one, sis. I'd like to keep my man-card thank you very much. I bet Emmett would though."_

"_So that he could eat all the food? I don't think so." I chuckled because in all honesty, that would happen. Just this past summer Emmett started eating his weight in food. He was always hungry and mom ran herself ragged trying to keep food in the house. I watched as Alice spread brownie batter into a pan. The doorbell rang just as she was scraping down the sides. "Ooh, that's Bella. Can you go get the door for her?"_

"_Sure thing, squirt." I had no problem with that. While my brother gained an appetite over the summer, I gained a transformation. Puberty had finally stopped screwing with me and had been oh so kind in the end. I mean, I wasn't anything special, but girls were starting to notice me and it felt good. Alice's friends were always a nice ego boost. They would stammer and giggle around me. I wasn't really interested in dating my sister's friends, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the attention they gave me. With that thought it mind, I bounded down the stairs and took a moment to prepare. With a smile and the Cullen charm perfectly in place, I swung open the door with dramatic flair and spoke in my velvety man voice._

"_Why hello there…" I said before she even came into view. "You must be Bel…" My voice stopped dead in my throat. There, in my doorway, was this…girl. She had been looking down trying to get the various things in her hands under control and balanced. They were big and bulky and giving her petite frame a devil of a time. I stood there and watched as the soft curves of her body flexed and twisted along with her movements._

_Jesus…_

_At the sound of my voice she raised her head to reveal the evidence of her annoyance. Deep brown eyes that were narrowed in frustration, long chestnut hair that swirled around with her struggling, and a faint pink flush combined with a light sheen of perspiration that covered her face, neck, collar bone and who knows where else. _

_As soon as she realized that I wasn't Alice, her lower lip disappeared nervously into her teeth. "Um, hi…I'm Bella." I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. My nonverbal state was just reaching an awkward level when I felt myself get shoved from behind._

"_Edward! Get out of the way. Can't you see she has her arms full?" The harshness of her rhetorical question made me realize that I was being pretty fucking rude._

"_Oh, um, yeah. Sorry about that. Let me take something from you." I reached for the sleeping bag that was threatening to drop out of her hand._

"_Okay, yeah, thanks. That's helps lot. I can get the rest." I stepped to the side as Alice's arm reached forward and pulled Bella through the door with a little bit of force. "Hi, Alice. It's nice to see you too." And then she giggled._

_I felt myself twitch within the confines of my jeans at the sound._

"_I'm so glad you're here, Bella. Sorry about that. He's not usually so inept." She pointed her thumb in my direction and rolled her eyes again at me. The derogatory nature of the gesture and the comment made me scowl. Normally I would not have given that a second thought, but for some reason it kind of bothered me. I didn't even have time to dwell on why it bothered me because as she passed me my knees almost buckled at the delicious waft of air that whooshed past me. _

_Swedish Fish. The girl smelled like goddamn Swedish Fish._

"_Let's go put your stuff in my room." Bella started up the stairs at Alice's direction. Alice took one step to follow but then stopped herself, punched me in the shoulder, and mouthed. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I shrugged not exactly knowing myself. Alice gave me another eye roll and then turned to follow Bella leaving me in the foyer at the bottom of the stairs._

_Nothing, especially some girl had ever made me feel the way I felt at that moment. I looked back and forth between the stairs and Bella's sleeping bag in my hand, contemplating just what I should do. After deliberating for what seemed like awhile, I began to climb the stairs two at a time and headed towards Alice's room._

_Man-card or not, I needed to find more out about this girl._

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" The words brought me back to the present and as my eyes came back to focus I realized I was still looking at Alice. Feeling my stare, she looked over to me and an unspoken conversation passed between us. We both knew the importance of this moment. I sighed as the moment passed and Alice focused her gaze back to the front of the courtroom. She was taking deep breaths and I knew she was trying to control the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her. Her grip on Bella's photograph tightened.

"We have, you honor." The bailiff took the piece of paper from the jury foreman and brought it to the judge. Once he looked at it, the bailiff handed it back to the foreman.

"Will you please read the verdict to the court?" I took a deep breath in anticipation.

"On the charge of possession of a deadly weapon, we the jury find the defendant guilty." I could hear a small sigh of relief throughout the courtroom as the first verdict was read.

"On the charge of armed robbery, we find the defendant guilty." More collective reaction.

"On the charge of murder in the second degree…." This was the one we all had been waiting for. There was complete silence in the courtroom as everyone hung on the words of the jury foreman.

My mouth went dry and my stomach coiled into knots. This was it. If justice was served, my girl would finally be able to rest in peace. My hand that held Bella's ribbon in it went to my chest. I needed her to be near my heart.

"…we the jury find the defendant…guilty as charged."

The courtroom erupted into chaos as the people cheered, gasped, wept, and clapped. There was a banging of the gavel as Judge Campbell tried to restore order. All of it began to look fuzzy and fade away as my focus turned to Jacob. I watched as the bailiff cuffed him. He looked down at his feet, not making eye contact with anyone. Even his own father had left the room. His shoulders slumped in defeat. He knew. He knew his life was over.

In my head, I had envisioned this day a thousand times. The judge would ask the jury for its verdict. It would come back guilty on all counts. The bailiff would handcuff Jacob and lead him to a cell that he would never get out of. That was the way it was supposed to happen. And it did.

_Why wasn't it enough?_

All this time I thought the key to my survival without Bella was to make sure that she got justice. If Jacob Black went to jail for the rest of his life for what he did to my girl I thought I would feel satisfied knowing that. I thought I would feel relieved that my beautiful Bella could finally rest in peace. I thought that the aching feeling in my chest that was there all the fucking time would ease up just a little bit.

I guess it doesn't work that way.

I felt no relief, no satisfaction.

My mother was the first to get to me. I felt numb, completely numb as she wrapped her arms around me. "It's over, sweetheart. It's finally, finally over." Yeah, the trial was over, but my focus was now gone. And the pain, the pain was still as strong as ever.

And Bella still isn't here.

"Over?" My mom's grip loosed as she pulled slightly away and looked into my eyes. I could see from her expression what she saw when she looked at me. This was not over. It would never be over. Her face changed from hopeful to sadness as she realized that Jacob Black going to jail was not going to change anything for me. I felt guilty for making her feel this way, for giving her something to worry about. But there was nothing I could do to change it.

I would never be the person I was before Bella was killed. That person, the one who had known true, life-altering love, was gone. Left was just a shell of that person. He would always struggle to exist in a world where she didn't and he would always carry around his loss as a permanent part of his being.

Feeling the crushing weight of what my future held for me, I crumbled into my mother's arms like I had numerous times when I was a little boy. "Oh, baby." She hugged me hard and let me cry. I squeezed her back hard, hoping she had the answer to the one question that plagued my mind.

"Mom? What am I supposed to do now? Please, please tell me."

She couldn't.

**Thank you to anyone who voted for this story. I really do appreciate it.**


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